AT&T Anxiety Disorder (recommended for inclusion in DSM-V)

Diagnostic criteria for 300.xx AT&T Anxiety Disorder

A. Excessive anxiety and worry (apprehensive expectation), occurring more days than not for at least 1 month, about placing or receiving phone calls on an AT&T mobile device.

B. The person finds it difficult to control the worry.

C. The anxiety and worry are associated with four (or more) of the following eight symptoms:

(1) increased heart rate when mobile device rings
(2) constant, furtive glancing at device for evidence of signal
(3) excessive apologizing to person on other end of line
(4) frantic running in and out of doors in search of signal
(5) reducing complex ideas to short, clipped sentences, e.g., "I like Beth" as a substitute for "My feelings about Beth are that we could eventually be a good match but at the moment I am ambivalent, especially given her recent breakup with Tom"
(6) recursive phone conversations about unsuccessful phone conversations
(7) loss of train of thought between dropped calls
(8) resorting to email for all communications

D. The anxiety, worry, or physical symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

E. The disturbance is not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, a medication) or a general medical condition (e.g., hyperthyroidism), or better accounted for by another disorder (e.g., Comcast Rage Disorder).

There, I fixed it